I came to a realization a few days ago. I read through almost all of the "On This Day" posts on Facebook just about every day. I read one several days ago from before Genevieve turned one. It was a post complaining about something Mike did, can't remember what, and about going to going to spend some time at my mom's house in Nashville.
Remembering how I felt that day....I was dealing with depression even that far back. I was able to deal with it and not need the treatment as badly as I do now. I wish I had known then what I know now. I would have swallowed my pride and asked for help. I would have found better coping skills that could have prevented my recent breakdown.
It hurts. It honestly hurts my heart that my family and I suffered as long as we did. I'm sure it contributed to a lot of our stresses. I wouldn't change my choices other than that. I am who I am because of what I have been through. I am who I am because of the choices I've made. I am a much different person than what I could have been. I am me. It's as simple as that.